how high do we set the bar?

A woman gave birth in Minnesota last night.  I'm sure she wasn't the only one, in fact, but I imagine she was the only one to do so live-streaming a video feed to the internet.  A massive number of viewers tuned in to watch her birth.  What began as a natural birth ended with an epidural, pitocin, and purple pushing in the lithotomy position.  There has been much discussion on facebook, and on a number of blogs, much of it analyzing, and some have said criticizing, the progress of the birth. I've weighed in on The Unnecessarean Facebook fan page and on Navelgazing Midwife's blog, but the discussion has compelled me to consider how we balance the expectations of birth with the reality of birth when that reality falls short of the bar we have set.

Very often we hear people say "As long as mother and baby are alive and healthy, that's all that matters" but such a phrase seems disingenuous and not terribly optimistic.  Shouldn't we expect more than mere survival and the avoidance of catastrophic events or wounds?  Why have we set the bar so low for birth in an era of relatively good health, good hygiene, access to nutritious food, and frequent medical miracles?  Isn't it reasonable to expect a great deal more than women are typically getting?  How can survival be enough?  And yet, how do we show the necessary care and compassion to those mothers whose births fall short of their own pre-birth expectations?  What do we say to our friends, our peers, our clients, when they are swept along in the tide of intervention despite a previous desire to avoid it?

How do we find the necessary balance?  What do we do?  What can we say?  I'd really welcome your thoughts, so please do comment.